Archive | July, 2014

Gateway Drugs (in a relationship)

28 Jul

As a kid, the thing that I yearned to do so badly was to drive a car.  Looking back I can’t understand the fascination behind it.  You have to wait in bad traffic, there’s the risk of accidents, and you have to be mindful of other drivers who aren’t paying attention to the road.  But as a 12 yr old kid being behind the wheel was a dream come true.  I remember going with my step dad to wash his car one Saturday when his phone rang.  At the time, we had just left McDonald’s and he was eating a burger.  I figured since he was eating with one hand and he was driving with the other, he would simply sit his burger down and answer his phone or he would check his phone later.  But to my surprise, he started driving the car with his knees and answered his phone.  At the time, I thought that was amazing!  He looked over at me and said “son I don’t ever want you to try this”.  That particular incident was a “gateway drug” for me. It made me realize that you can get away with certain things as long as you are in control of the situation (no foul no play).  The dictionary defines Gateway Drugs as: any mood-altering drug, as a stimulant or tranquilizer, that does not cause physical dependence, but may lead to the use of addictive drugs.  We, as people, tend to do things in our relationships that lead towards other negative events taking place within our relationship.   Three things that I’ve noticed throughout the course of time in my travels with this life are: negative mind frames, the acceptance factor, and a lack of foundation within our relationship. Our particular mind frames are definitive when it comes to: trusting someone, becoming jealous, or even understanding someone.  We usually self create predetermined red flags or warning signs that alert us when trouble comes knocking. The only problem with that is who’s to say that the red flags that applied to our past dwellings are the same ones  that constitute our present ones?  Think about it, after you believe someone is in the midst of telling you a lie, the first thing you do is stop trusting that individual.  That one thought just led to another situation presenting itself in your mind.  Now not only do you not believe that person, you don’t trust that person either.  You begin to question that individual on their whereabouts, which could potentially cause you to become jealous of that individuals’ interactions outside of yourself.  Another gateway drug is the Acceptance Factor.  The Acceptance factor is when someone makes up excuses because of a certain quality or characteristic in which someone bestows.  For example, bending or flexing when it comes to your morals or values for someone, simply because they are your type or because they have a certain amount of wealth.   Sure that’s where the bending starts, but there are many more exercises to come.  With men or women, usually whenever we show any ounce of vulnerability there’s always a chance of it becoming exploited.  People often fall victim to the acceptance factor when it comes to sex or even a quick fix (whatever that may mean when it pertains to you).  Not only do gateway drugs affect the user, they also effect the counterpart.  Foundations not only support whatever the system is, but it also secures it.  Therefore a lack there of can cause shakiness, not only on the top floor but also on the bottom.  Sometimes we set up communication walls, which is something I’ve never understood.   Don’t get me wrong, I know that you can’t just lay everything out on the table all of the time.  I tried that once and my niece ate her cake before she touched her food. But I guess that would also have something to do with the individual you’re attempting to communicate with.  Nevertheless, setting the tempo and coming up with guidelines and regulations goes along way when it comes to securing your relationship.   Think of it this way: if talking everyday is the most important thing to me and you’re more of a texter, we need to come to some type of compromise before misunderstandings take place.  Another thing that has always bothered me are the people that “time” when they are going to show emotions or let you in. I have a problem with this because I actually get accustomed to things (maybe its the TAURUS in me- who knows).  Either way if I’m dealing with someone who’s portraying to be an emotionally impotent individual, then my feelings automatically adjust to that situation. If that individual decides to show something else later on down the line, I’m already tuned in to this particular setting, which makes me look like the bad guy that’s refusing to open up, which can start a plethora of problems. If the foundation was solid,  that could’ve been alleviated from jump street.  When it comes to relationships we have to be able to visualize one another in the mirror and remove each other’s scars while accepting them at the same time.  I got my license two months after I turned 16 and the first thing I did once I received it was drive down the streets using my knees. By the time I turned 20 I was doing it while texting, thanks dad.