Archive | January, 2014

Witch Hunt

8 Jan

I can remember my freshman year at South Oak Cliff high school like it was yesterday.  A new school district, a new area I’ve never been in, and of course, new people I’ve never met before.  There were two teachers that made my transition flow smoothly and they were Ms. Givens and Ms. Scott.  Both of them made me feel as if I had two mothers away from home.  Ms. Givens taught my English class and one of the first books we were assigned to read was “The Scarlett Letter”.  Now, The Scarlett Letter was a book that was a grand insight on how intense high school would be versus middle school.  It pointed out how people can become outcast in there own communities and how hatred / sin incorporates itself in this world.  This particular book was set in the 17th century during the Salem Witch trials.  At the time, people made accusations against one another for various reasons.  The witch hunts in Salem between 1642 and 1649 led to many people being: imprisoned, hung and persecuted to the extreme with little or no evidence supporting their accusations.  In a certain twisted way, I believe that book was meant to prepare us for life after high school.  I can recall thinking to myself back then “I’m glad we no longer go on witch hunts”, but to my surprise we still do.  Usually we ‘witch hunt’ because we’re afraid of love, past demons, stuck in our own ways or we’ve come up with a predetermined happiness in our minds.  I first noticed witch hunting within myself.  After my great grandma died, I felt lost in this world.  I felt like I didn’t know of or understand love outside of her.  So basically anytime I ran across a good woman, I would subconsciously create a problem with her. So that I can exit that particular situation.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I was doing this because i happened to be afraid of love.  Ironically as it sounds, the very thing that I was longing for was the exact same thing I wasn’t prepared for.  The pain of her leaving me was still embedded in my heart.  That same pain occupied my entire heart therefore I didn’t have enough room to receive anyone in it.  The thought of me being vulnerable or of me dealing with someone that could overtake me emotionally was too much for me to bare.  I’ve always thought getting to know someone new was one reason behind people staying in bad relationships or not moving on, seeing as though there is nothing new under the sun.  We tend to discover familiar characteristics in people that reminds us of our past (past demons). Whenever this incident occurs we naturally think to ourselves here we go again.  We feel as if we traded away a sprite for a 7-up.  I believe that is when the hunt begins.  One familiarity is a coincidence and we view two or more as warning signs.  The truth is people do the same actions with different things in mind or different motives.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that the same result is going to take place.  Sometimes we can become stuck in our own ways the “my way or the highway mentality”.  This approach is taken when people want to control every aspect of their relationship.  The type of person that chooses this outlet is usually one who has been hurt in the past and they often fall hard.  Thus the reasoning behind them wanting to control everything.  Seeing as though that gives them the option of regulating the due process of how the emotions are dispersed out.  The final reason behind us witch hunting would be a predetermined happiness that we’ve drawn up in our minds.  In my eyes, this one is very detrimental to the growth of our emotions.  I say that because we often have a type of individual that we see ourselves with even before we’ve seen that particular individual.  Who’s to say your physical type is going to match up with the type of person you’re searching for characteristic wise or even spiritually?  I believe we should have an open heart and mind when it comes to love and that placing an image on it just further hurts us in the end.  The witch trials in Salem only lasted seven years.  How long will we allow it to go on in our lives?

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External love vs. Internal love

6 Jan

My great grandmother has been deceased for over 11yrs now.  Throughout my life experiences with her, there were many lessons being taught day in and day out.  Some of which I really wasn’t ready to understand because of my tender age.  One incident that comes to mind is her baking cakes and pies for the holidays.  I can recall her baking a couple of chocolate cakes on a particular thanksgiving.  One cake was made with her secret recipe and the other she forgot to add a few ingredients to it.  On the outside looking in, the cakes looked exactly the same.  But the inside was were the difference took place.  Don’t get me wrong the cake wasn’t awful but it wasn’t up to par with the usual desserts my granny made. 
As I grew wiser through the years that particular cake incident dawned on me.  We as humans often see: movies, couples at picnics or just people that seem to be in love out in the public and we want and yearn for that.  But what we fail to realize is the heavy burdens of the heart.  Which includes: internal struggles, pain and stress.  They weigh a lot more emotionally than holding hands and kissing in public.  Happiness and success are both viewed from the outside and that’s something that I’ve never understood.  Seeing that happiness is an internal trait and that success is based off of that particular individuals assessment of themselves.  Internal struggles are in a league of their own.  I say that because we usually face them on our own.  External struggles can be seen by others and if we’re lucky enough.  There are always love ones or family members that are there to help tackle some of those issues.  Internal struggles usually have us in a one man army type of ordeal unless we invite someone in. They wake up with us in the morning and they go to sleep with us at night.  Pain on the other hand leaves emotional potholes in our heart’s.  Usually whenever we run into these potholes we feel the bumps at its extremes.  It effects: judgment, sensibility and our character’s.  We often tend to try to manage the pain in which we’re experiencing in our relationships.  Whether we’re masking the pain or creating facades for the public eye.  The way in which we go about doing this can potentially put us in an emotional vulnerable state.  When we are stressed we become less attentive with our relationship.  We tend to concentrate more on our own situation and we forget how it affects our partner’s.  Soon afterwards there’s a gap in the understanding in the relationship.  Leading to a breakdown in the connection that you share.  On the outside looking in, a win is always a win.  There’s an old cliche that state’s “never judge a book by its cover”. We have to open it up and read page after page.  After all, the numbers on the inside is what actually counts.